The day I have dreaded for 3 years had come.
Let me preamble this by saying that this post would fall under the category of TMI. Be warned.
I have never had an operation. No tonsils out. No appendix or gallbladder either. No general anesthesia. No IV's No blood work (up to age 36 on that last point).
Early winter 2003. I get 'sick' somehow. My lower abdomen is starting to get sore. Later it's killing me and I go see the doctor. He runs some tests, tells me what he thinks it is and refers me to a specialist. The specialist agrees, but schedules me to go into AK Regional for (dramatic music here, please) ... a colonoscopy! And man, at age 37, no less. Let me tell you what a treat that is! Ugh!! It turned out that I have diverticulosis (change suffix to 'itis' if infected). And I was directed to do a follow-up in three years. Oh, and they also removed a polyp that wasn't cancer, but very likely would have become so if given enough years.
Do you think that 3 year timer has been, on some level, running in my head every day since then? You fucking bet it has.
So the timer ran out last November. And I thought of some excuse or other to delay coming back in for my follow-up. Go figure. And about a month ago I catch the flu and was down and out for a week. I get better and then a familiar sore spot shows up. Left side. Just below the rubs. Uh oh. So I tried calling the specialist. No good. He's on jury duty for that week. I am advised to see my 'regular doctor'. I don't really have one currently, so I go into the med center that my insurer has a deal with. Get 10-days worth of really really strong antibiotics. This seems to start working from about day 2. Knocks it out. Then a couple days after the Rx is finished, that feeling resurfaces and goes away on it's own. The specialist's office schedules me for an appointment a week later. And I have a date with the hospital in a month.
Which brings us to my weekend and a photocopied sheet of instructions. Buy 'prep kit'. Check. Saturday night... begin 'clear fluids only'. Sunday... more fasting except for clear fluids. This means jello (and lots of it), clear soup broth, juices, water, coffee, etc.
Saturday is pretty normal. Wifey and I do some errands around town. Take two walks during the day. One in the neighborhood, the other at Kinkaid. I take some photos (and upload later to Flickr). We have lunch. Do some shopping, etc. Saturday night is normal except for the 'no food' caveat.
Sunday AM. Mother's Day. Hungry. Solly Cholly. But at least I can have coffee. I give my mom a card and little gift. She's in her early 60's and has been quite the couch potato for the past couple of years. Her work had made an offer to it's employees. A free one year membership to the Alaska Club. The catch? That you have to be actively using it for that whole year. I have no idea how they'd track that, but mom has been going to the gym faithfully 4 or 5 times a week ever since (so far it's been a couple months). So the mother's day gift was an ipod shuffle to take for workouts. And as of today (tues) she seems to be packing it into her gym bag. This is a nice change. She always loves the tech toys for presents, but they usually end up collecting dust. Early evening on Sunday, we make a food run for the fam. Pick up Beartooth for my mom and wife, and Arby's for my daughter. I almost snitch a curly fry from her bag before realizing that i can't.
Sunday evening... prep kit (first of two clear little plastic bottles). Huh, I think to myself while tilting and watching the liquid, it looks like dish soap. Instructions: pour a third of bottle into whatever, mix and drink. Wait an hour and repeat. "goes down better if chilled"? can't be a good sign. I mix it with peach Propel. It looks strange as it pours in and mixes. And drinking from an Alaskan Amber beer glass, I glug a sip down. UGHHHHHHH!!! Good god! I think it IS dish soap. Just without the suds. I choke it all down at once. Set the stove timer. One hour. You know what this is for, right?? I wonder how long it takes to start working, and go back to my laptop to surf. About 45 min later (and for the next four hours) I need to stay within close distance of a bathroom at all times... by 11pm I am still going at it, and fighting sleep. And hungry. A friend pop's onto chat - thank god for small favors - and keeps me company for a couple hours. I finally go to bed.
... Monday morning. No coffee. Poor sleep. Shaky. I keep having a looping thought: hungry! what's in the kitchen? Oh. yeah. right, no food.... Hungry! what's in..
Later: Prep kit - bottle #2. My fridge is stocked with Propel. I pick a flavor and begin...
... and by 11am am 'done'. Shower and dress for my engagement with AK Regional. My wife and I discuss how we think everything will go down afterwards. You see, a colonoscopy is where they stick 5 feet of smallish black garden hose up your ass. Tipped with an assortment of go go gadget tools. Olympus color digital cam. Niiiiice. :) Water sprayer. Suction thing. Loop of heated wire to cut/cauterize polyps. Little pincher thing to take said polyps. So needless to say, they sedate the fuck out of you via IV. The weird part is that you're conscious throughout, but the drugs keep memories from forming. So I actually get to experience the whole thing, but am forgetting as it happens. That way if they need me to move or turn, I can comply. ... now back to where we're making plans for afterwards. Back 3 years ago it went like this. I come-to in a recovery room, so groggy that I can't dress myself. They get my wife to come and help. I am wheel-chaired to the front door. Wife had brought the car around. She asks if I'm hungry and I say 'home'. When she pulls into the garage I (through what must have been a supreme effort of focus and will) get out of the car, practically run up the stairs, down the hall, and into our room. She catches up with me less than a minute later. I'm on the bed asleep. Clothes on. Shoes on. Snoring. It's 11am...
... I awaken 18 hours later. Look at watch - 5:00. Look outside. Dark (november). Wonder if it's AM or PM. Turns out the first one - the next day. I am determined to better this record. I think we're getting food afterwards. She thinks it'll be the same thing as last time and reminds me that i said back THEN that I wanted to do food after...
Monday. Yesterday. Game time.
It amazes me. The whole process of being transformed from the normal 'street clothes' world of outside, into the 'hospital gown' world within. And standing at the gateway? Michelle from Admissions. Michelle is good at forms. Michelle is good at charging my Visa card. Michelle has a wicked-good sense of humor. And she basically has the task of taking me off the street. Out of the real world, if you will. Has me sign. Here and here and here. And initial: here, here, herehere, and here. And leads me back. Really big doors open slowly when Michelle pushes a palm sized button on the wall. They say the words SURGERY. [gulp]. Shiny floors. Florescent lights. Glimpses of other patients as gaps in the curtains pass when we walk by. Ahhh. My own little room. Well, stall actually. Michelle presents me with a gown, little green paper-ish footies, little green matching paper-ish cap. Folded white blanket - heated. Nice. I change and climb onto the bed. Examine my surroundings. Sink. Cupboard with door ajar. Lots of hypodermic needles with stuff in them. Gloves (two varieties : green and white). Computer terminal. Monitor thing on a stand for vitals. It's on but not attached to me. A little red LED number zero marches from left to right. Under bed? Oxygen tank. Back wall? O2 and Air hookups. Ethernet plug. Chair. Waste basket. Hmm. With the last patients IV stint lolling out. Nice. Next up - waiting. Turns out that my doctor is still at a gig at Providence and is running late. My wife is still here and we talk. Finally the nurse comes in to take my vitals and stick me with an IV. I'm the worlds biggest pussy about this and begin to feel clammy when I look down at my hand. I'm given a cold wet washcloth for my forehead. Helps. Finally, they wheel me in. Then it's Finger thingy for pulse, giant sticker with cable for my back for EKG, O2 hose up my nostrils, BP cuff, lay on side, the drugs .... start...... to drip ...................... nurses make chitchat with each other.....
........... and I'm in another little room like the first one. I am determined. I sit up (room is not too spinney). I sit there for a minute. A nurse comes in. Pulls out the IV. Starts at giant sensor sticker on my back. I'm still doped up and tell her to just rip it. This approach seemed best the last time too. She gets my bag and I manage to dress and walk to where my wife is waiting. They ask me if I want a chair. I really don't but I'm swaying a bit so agree. I get wheeled out to the front door where wifey has brought the car and get in. Wife asks where to? "5th Avenue Mall", I say.
You have never experienced the mall unless you've tried it on percocet and valium. Let me tell you! I'm better to walk so we go up to the food court. I'm told that I'm allowed soft foods now and solid foods by evening. I opt for Souper Bowl. It was great. We head home. I actually check email before taking a nap. Up for awhile. Sleep a bit. Up again. Then down for the night.
Today feels pretty normal. The 3 yr timer is restarted but is WAY back in my mind. I feel good.
I have never had an operation. No tonsils out. No appendix or gallbladder either. No general anesthesia. No IV's No blood work (up to age 36 on that last point).
Early winter 2003. I get 'sick' somehow. My lower abdomen is starting to get sore. Later it's killing me and I go see the doctor. He runs some tests, tells me what he thinks it is and refers me to a specialist. The specialist agrees, but schedules me to go into AK Regional for (dramatic music here, please) ... a colonoscopy! And man, at age 37, no less. Let me tell you what a treat that is! Ugh!! It turned out that I have diverticulosis (change suffix to 'itis' if infected). And I was directed to do a follow-up in three years. Oh, and they also removed a polyp that wasn't cancer, but very likely would have become so if given enough years.
Do you think that 3 year timer has been, on some level, running in my head every day since then? You fucking bet it has.
So the timer ran out last November. And I thought of some excuse or other to delay coming back in for my follow-up. Go figure. And about a month ago I catch the flu and was down and out for a week. I get better and then a familiar sore spot shows up. Left side. Just below the rubs. Uh oh. So I tried calling the specialist. No good. He's on jury duty for that week. I am advised to see my 'regular doctor'. I don't really have one currently, so I go into the med center that my insurer has a deal with. Get 10-days worth of really really strong antibiotics. This seems to start working from about day 2. Knocks it out. Then a couple days after the Rx is finished, that feeling resurfaces and goes away on it's own. The specialist's office schedules me for an appointment a week later. And I have a date with the hospital in a month.
Which brings us to my weekend and a photocopied sheet of instructions. Buy 'prep kit'. Check. Saturday night... begin 'clear fluids only'. Sunday... more fasting except for clear fluids. This means jello (and lots of it), clear soup broth, juices, water, coffee, etc.
Saturday is pretty normal. Wifey and I do some errands around town. Take two walks during the day. One in the neighborhood, the other at Kinkaid. I take some photos (and upload later to Flickr). We have lunch. Do some shopping, etc. Saturday night is normal except for the 'no food' caveat.
Sunday AM. Mother's Day. Hungry. Solly Cholly. But at least I can have coffee. I give my mom a card and little gift. She's in her early 60's and has been quite the couch potato for the past couple of years. Her work had made an offer to it's employees. A free one year membership to the Alaska Club. The catch? That you have to be actively using it for that whole year. I have no idea how they'd track that, but mom has been going to the gym faithfully 4 or 5 times a week ever since (so far it's been a couple months). So the mother's day gift was an ipod shuffle to take for workouts. And as of today (tues) she seems to be packing it into her gym bag. This is a nice change. She always loves the tech toys for presents, but they usually end up collecting dust. Early evening on Sunday, we make a food run for the fam. Pick up Beartooth for my mom and wife, and Arby's for my daughter. I almost snitch a curly fry from her bag before realizing that i can't.
Sunday evening... prep kit (first of two clear little plastic bottles). Huh, I think to myself while tilting and watching the liquid, it looks like dish soap. Instructions: pour a third of bottle into whatever, mix and drink. Wait an hour and repeat. "goes down better if chilled"? can't be a good sign. I mix it with peach Propel. It looks strange as it pours in and mixes. And drinking from an Alaskan Amber beer glass, I glug a sip down. UGHHHHHHH!!! Good god! I think it IS dish soap. Just without the suds. I choke it all down at once. Set the stove timer. One hour. You know what this is for, right?? I wonder how long it takes to start working, and go back to my laptop to surf. About 45 min later (and for the next four hours) I need to stay within close distance of a bathroom at all times... by 11pm I am still going at it, and fighting sleep. And hungry. A friend pop's onto chat - thank god for small favors - and keeps me company for a couple hours. I finally go to bed.
... Monday morning. No coffee. Poor sleep. Shaky. I keep having a looping thought: hungry! what's in the kitchen? Oh. yeah. right, no food.... Hungry! what's in..
Later: Prep kit - bottle #2. My fridge is stocked with Propel. I pick a flavor and begin...
... and by 11am am 'done'. Shower and dress for my engagement with AK Regional. My wife and I discuss how we think everything will go down afterwards. You see, a colonoscopy is where they stick 5 feet of smallish black garden hose up your ass. Tipped with an assortment of go go gadget tools. Olympus color digital cam. Niiiiice. :) Water sprayer. Suction thing. Loop of heated wire to cut/cauterize polyps. Little pincher thing to take said polyps. So needless to say, they sedate the fuck out of you via IV. The weird part is that you're conscious throughout, but the drugs keep memories from forming. So I actually get to experience the whole thing, but am forgetting as it happens. That way if they need me to move or turn, I can comply. ... now back to where we're making plans for afterwards. Back 3 years ago it went like this. I come-to in a recovery room, so groggy that I can't dress myself. They get my wife to come and help. I am wheel-chaired to the front door. Wife had brought the car around. She asks if I'm hungry and I say 'home'. When she pulls into the garage I (through what must have been a supreme effort of focus and will) get out of the car, practically run up the stairs, down the hall, and into our room. She catches up with me less than a minute later. I'm on the bed asleep. Clothes on. Shoes on. Snoring. It's 11am...
... I awaken 18 hours later. Look at watch - 5:00. Look outside. Dark (november). Wonder if it's AM or PM. Turns out the first one - the next day. I am determined to better this record. I think we're getting food afterwards. She thinks it'll be the same thing as last time and reminds me that i said back THEN that I wanted to do food after...
Monday. Yesterday. Game time.
It amazes me. The whole process of being transformed from the normal 'street clothes' world of outside, into the 'hospital gown' world within. And standing at the gateway? Michelle from Admissions. Michelle is good at forms. Michelle is good at charging my Visa card. Michelle has a wicked-good sense of humor. And she basically has the task of taking me off the street. Out of the real world, if you will. Has me sign. Here and here and here. And initial: here, here, herehere, and here. And leads me back. Really big doors open slowly when Michelle pushes a palm sized button on the wall. They say the words SURGERY. [gulp]. Shiny floors. Florescent lights. Glimpses of other patients as gaps in the curtains pass when we walk by. Ahhh. My own little room. Well, stall actually. Michelle presents me with a gown, little green paper-ish footies, little green matching paper-ish cap. Folded white blanket - heated. Nice. I change and climb onto the bed. Examine my surroundings. Sink. Cupboard with door ajar. Lots of hypodermic needles with stuff in them. Gloves (two varieties : green and white). Computer terminal. Monitor thing on a stand for vitals. It's on but not attached to me. A little red LED number zero marches from left to right. Under bed? Oxygen tank. Back wall? O2 and Air hookups. Ethernet plug. Chair. Waste basket. Hmm. With the last patients IV stint lolling out. Nice. Next up - waiting. Turns out that my doctor is still at a gig at Providence and is running late. My wife is still here and we talk. Finally the nurse comes in to take my vitals and stick me with an IV. I'm the worlds biggest pussy about this and begin to feel clammy when I look down at my hand. I'm given a cold wet washcloth for my forehead. Helps. Finally, they wheel me in. Then it's Finger thingy for pulse, giant sticker with cable for my back for EKG, O2 hose up my nostrils, BP cuff, lay on side, the drugs .... start...... to drip ...................... nurses make chitchat with each other.....
........... and I'm in another little room like the first one. I am determined. I sit up (room is not too spinney). I sit there for a minute. A nurse comes in. Pulls out the IV. Starts at giant sensor sticker on my back. I'm still doped up and tell her to just rip it. This approach seemed best the last time too. She gets my bag and I manage to dress and walk to where my wife is waiting. They ask me if I want a chair. I really don't but I'm swaying a bit so agree. I get wheeled out to the front door where wifey has brought the car and get in. Wife asks where to? "5th Avenue Mall", I say.
You have never experienced the mall unless you've tried it on percocet and valium. Let me tell you! I'm better to walk so we go up to the food court. I'm told that I'm allowed soft foods now and solid foods by evening. I opt for Souper Bowl. It was great. We head home. I actually check email before taking a nap. Up for awhile. Sleep a bit. Up again. Then down for the night.
Today feels pretty normal. The 3 yr timer is restarted but is WAY back in my mind. I feel good.
posted by Eyak Woman at 8:15 AM
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